Insufferable
by nair4ever
Summary: AU, but also book and show elements. B,N,S,D and C in their senior year and college. Multiple pairings (Nair/Chair/Serenate/Dair/Derena/Cherena/...) but this is mostly a B/N/S triangle,with lots of Nair, Serenate; Dair and Derena later on.Rating: T/M
1. Denial

Hello dear reader! As promised here is the first chapter of my new project ''Insufferable''. So there are a few things you should know before starting this story, mainly the AU part. This story is going to be AU, but there are also going to be show GG elements and book elements, just to clear that up. Some of the characters will be AU but I'll make sure to preserve their best bits. Also there'll be lots of pairings so whether you're a dair/nair/serenate/chair/derena or any other shipper I'm sure you'll find something of your preference up here. Endgames are up in the air, but be aware that this is mainly a Nate/Blair/Serena love triangle.

I don't own the characters used in this story, just the ideas.

* * *

Blair Waldorf never believed in fairytales. There is something fake and wrong with that level of happiness. It annoys her that people have such a need for a happy ending, a distraction from real life. She finds the original versions of those tales far more interesting. Naturally there's nothing comforting about Cinderella's evil stepsister's eyes being poked out by birds, Sleeping Beauty being raped or Little Mermaid turning in to sea foam, but maybe if her dad had read those stories to her every night before sleep she would have developed a more realistic view on life. She'd hope less and deal with disappointments without a struggle.

A giggle brings her back to reality, it's the one of Serena van der Woodsen. The blonde mouths a quick hello before running in to her boyfriend's arms. Her theory about real life fairytales and forced happiness projects on to Serena perfectly. She has this constant need for perfection, so much that it often interferes with her real life. Nate isn't like that, all he really wants to do is let loose, but never does because he loves Serena too much, or so she thinks. To Blair they were always that annoyingly cute couple that met in high school and would end up getting married with kids…and she is fine with that. Nate is a genuinely good guy, okay not just genuinely. Blair herself can't imagine a life without him, all three of them started out as friends at a tender age of four and some things never change.

There is one thing she can't quite pinpoint though. He is always nice to everyone, a little snotty which goes perfect with his _life is so hard when you're hot and rich _attitude and unresolved father issues which she can relate to completely, but he's also daring, he has a wild side which he never lets show in front of Serena. It's mostly because she'd find that behavior unnecessary. She's oblivious that Nate has actually smoked a joint before and in fact has a stash hidden under his bed, she has no idea that he was the one who broke in to Constance Billiard with Chuck one night and threw a pool party which resulted in almost getting them expelled from St. Jude's and she most definitely doesn't know that Nate has a criminal record that he earned for underage drinking and stealing a church cross while vacationing with his lacrosse buddies in Mexico.

But Blair knows all those things because he tells her. It's a love and hate relationship they share. She'll never stop teasing him about being a spoiled privileged pretty face, yet she'll turn in to an ear when he comes running to her with another one of his '_only you can know about this'_ stories.

''Is it just me and my insatiable crave for perfection or does that school uniform look much better on you than any other of those girls?'' she hears a familiar sultry banter from no other than Chuck Bass and turns around immediately, already preparing a smartass comeback to throw at his next provocation, she knows it's coming.

''Chuck, I thought you weren't allowed on the Constance Billiard ground anymore.'' He ignores her completely and continues his school uniform talk.

''It would be a shame though, for the uniform-'' he says slyly and lets his eyes check her out from head to toe. Surprisingly she doesn't fell violated like usual and asks herself what the hell is wrong with her.

''Why?'' she asks without really wanting to know, partly because she can imagine what his answer is going to be and partly because she isn't in the mood to fight of his sleaziness today.

''Because I would tear it the minute I got my hands on it.'' He whispers and he is so close that if she moved an inch towards him their lips would touch and today is hard enough as it is, she doesn't need whore germs all over her mouth.

''Wow-'' she fakes enthusiasm ''-is that what you tell to all those self-conscious money whores you parade around every day or do you just show them your platinum AmEx?''

He grunts, moves away and turns around on his heels before disappearing around the corner.

''If you ever become one of those ladies, give me a call, would you?'' he smirks and is gone before she can present him with the ladylike gesture of a middle finger.

Her class starts in approximately five minutes and as out of character for a student with perfect attendance it seems, she doesn't feel like attending classes for the rest of the day. It's their senior year, all of them know they are accepted to the Ivy League schools most of them didn't really deserve and didn't give a fuck about it, unlike the most she actually worked hard for Columbia even though she isn't really sure what she wants yet, she applied to other colleges too, just to see where they'd take her in. Most of them are Ivy League of course, because her pretentious father wants it that way, as for her mother… if it doesn't involve clothes and a big name in fashion she doesn't even bother with it.

Growing up with a famous mother and a very ambitious business oriented father grants a crappy childhood filled with nannies, expensive birthday and Christmas gifts which are supposed to make you forget that your parent is missing yet another big moment in your life because of a conference or an important meeting overseas. She resents them for it, especially her father because he used to be there in the beginning, every spelling bee contest, ballet show, recital. Then as she started growing up, he started not showing up. She is only eighteen for god's sake, she can't deal with it all alone.

There's where Serena comes in. The perfect friend, and she doesn't say that ironically. She means every word of it, because if there's a person who's tried to be through it all with Blair it's most definitely Serena, as much as she could. She doesn't know because Blair never told her about it, but Serena has missed all of Blair's biggest crises. Blair knows Serena best and she knew that if she told her about any of those they would tore the emotionally sensitive Serena down. S is amazing, someone Blair can thank heavens for every day, but there are times when she needs someone strong to pick up the pieces and that someone is Nate.

It all started accidentally on the night that Blair calls _the biggest cliché_ of her younger life. Her parents had their biggest fight yet, Eleanor found a piece of lingerie that wasn't hers in the bedroom and all hell broke loose. Plates were shattering, so were family pictures, it all boiled down to her father storming out of the door, swearing he'd never come back and her mother locking the door after him. No amount of Audrey Hepburn's movies could've helped at the time. She locked herself in to her bathroom and reached in to the little cabinet where she had her perfumes neatly placed. She felt so much rage that she simply started shattering them against the bathroom mirror. A rather larger shard of glass fell beneath her feet and with all the desperation she was feeling, a fourteen year old Blair picked it up and positioned it inches above her wrist. She never thought about hurting herself before that and she didn't think she'd find any relief in physical pain, but she was melodramatic and she liked the theatricality of the moment. Despite the fact that she could've seriously hurt herself, she was ready to do it, and as faith had it her phone started buzzing on the edge of the sink and fell off. She immediately dropped the glass she was holding to rescue the damn buzzing thing because in her mind it was her father calling to say he was wrong and he was coming back. It wasn't her father though, it was Nate. He was just calling to ask her if she wanted to hang out, he registered her tear stricken voice right ahead and refused to let it go until she admitted something was wrong. They met up on her favorite bench overlooking Central Park and she told him everything. Serena never heard a word of it.

''I need your help, desperately.'' A breathless voice on the other side of the line whines.

''I'm listening.'' Blair says with amusement, Serena almost never seeks help from her, not directly anyway so a call like this is what she lives for.

''I'm meeting Nate's parents tonight.'' She says simply and waits for a response, when it doesn't come she clears her throat and tries one more time ''Blair! I said I'm meeting-''

''-I heard you, I heard you.-'' Blair's response is quick and cuts her off, she isn't sure what to say because for one she is confused ''But you've met Mrs. Archibald and the Captain before, I don't understand.''

Serena rolls her eyes even though Blair can't see her. She loves her friend to death but sometimes she can be so hard to deal with, she was way too rational for her own age.

''I've met them before, but I've never been to an official dinner with them at their home. Nate said not to worry but screw Nate, he never worries either way.''

''Well Nate is right, his parents are great people, they're not going to judge you.'' Blair lies trough her teeth. The truth was, Nate's parents are extremely judgmental, especially his father who dislikes the idea of his son wasting his time on a girl in the first place. He wants to get Nate in to the family business, so he keeps pushing him towards the Vanderbilt part of the family where interests were. In Captain's eyes a girl in Nate's life is nothing but a distraction. His mother doesn't care, not really. She's more occupied with being a trophy wife and having her hair perfect all the time. Blair's parents are messed up, but at least they care enough to know where and who she is with.

Serena huffed on the other side ''You're such a liar, you know that?''

Blair bites her lower lip, not having a clue what to say ''Fine, they may be a little judgmental, but who isn't. S, just calm down, they're going to love you, everyone does.'' She finishes her sentence with just a touch of bitterness that is new to her. She decides to ignore it, but it keeps poking at her chest. ''Listen-'' she fidgets with a piece of torn up paper she finds on the table ''-I have to go now, call you later, I promise.'' She hangs up without a proper goodbye and strangely doesn't feel a pinch of guilt doing so.

''Um yeah, Blair-'' the line breaks as she is trying to finish her sentence and all she is left is a beeping sound. Her eyes widen in surprise at the unusual behavior. She decides to shrug it off, blame it on all of the stress Blair is probably feeling with all the school drama going on. She picks out the dress for tonight by herself. She's still feeling strange and the usually helpful talk with Blair did the contrary so she reaches for her phone again and calls Nate instead. He doesn't answer of course but she doesn't let it get to her, not this time. Besides Nate is probably out with Chuck or something, there is no way he's ignoring her on purpose, he never does that.

* * *

''You're not gonna answer that?'' Chuck asks as Nate puts S on hold and he is almost appalled with the unkind and out of character gesture. Nate shakes his head and takes another hit of his joint.

''Nah, she would text back if it was something important, I don't feel like talking to her when I'm like this, she'd kill me if she knew I smoked pot.''

Chuck's eyebrow rise, a spark of amusement playing on the corner of his lips. ''Poor Serena, if you keep falling under my bad influence, she's going to lose her trophy boyfriend.'' He jokes and has no idea he struck a nerve. Nate laughs it off when on the inside he feels like screaming. He doesn't know if it's all the pot he's been smoking lately, his father pushing him in to politics, his mother not giving a fuck about him or Serena that's taken a toll on him. He feels rather depressed, there isn't a person he wants to see or talk to right now, okay that's not completely honest. There's a certain brunette he always wants to talk to, that he's dying to talk to right now, but he can't.

She changed drastically when she started high school, but ever since senior year started it's like she's a whole other person. The problem isn't Blair and her character, it's the fact that now Nate isn't the only guy who appreciates her perks. Maybe it's his judgmental side talking, but it seems like she has a new guy every month, she's slowly turning in to Chuck and he hates it. It is a little selfish for him to resent her for dating guys especially because he's the one in a relationship and has no right to pep talk her, but he cares way too much about her not to, in an older brother kind of way…sort of.

He remembers he has to attend a dinner at home and shuts his eyes tightly. Why did he agree to do that? He loves Serena and all, but at a time like this he is incapable to sit through a four course meal with his pretentious parents with their fake smiling, polite talks and pretending that everything is great. His father dislikes Serena and that's saying much because in his life so far he has yet to find someone who doesn't like her. Captain's not going to act on it of course, he'll be kind and approachable so much that Serena will start to like him and roll her eyes at Nate's ''non existing father issues''.

Chuck's phone suddenly buzzes and it breaks Nate's cloudy thoughts. His charismatic friend flicks the almost done joint away to pull his phone out, it reads Blair on the display and he smirks to himself. This ought to be interesting.

'Something important?'' Nate asks discarding his own joint, it has to be when it got him wearing that twisted smirk of his.

''It's Blair.'' Chuck says without blinking.

''Blair?'' Nate asks in a mixture of disgust and surprise ''Blair is calling you?''

Chuck almost feels offended by his reaction, almost. He's quick to recover and bring his friend down to earth.

''Well it's not you she's calling, is it?''

Nate feels like punching him and his stupid arrogance. Then again he realizes it's none of his business, and why should it be? Blair is not his girlfriend, he shouldn't even think of her as one, but Serena is. Yes. He has to go home, get ready for their dinner and simply shut it when it comes to Blair, Chuck or anyone who's given him hell lately. Keep things under control.

''It's time to go, see you at school I guess.'' He handles the situation gracefully, that is until the hit comes.

''I'll text you the details later, there's something so unnatural with that level of clarity, don't you think? I bet you everything I own that she's a wild one.''

Keeping things under control, it's not as easy as it sounds.

* * *

Okay, this is it for the first chapter. I've started on the second one, but the future of this story really depends on you guys, would you like to read more? Any requests for the future chapters? Please don't be shy:D tell me. As always review/follow/favorite/PM. Till next chapter, xoL


	2. Frustration

Hello lovelies! First of all I want to thank all of you for your wonderful reviews, I'm honored and glad that you liked the first chapter. I was scared that people would hate the idea of AU and everything and I'm incredibly glad it went okay. So here is the second chapter and hopefully many more to come. Enjoy!

I don't own the characters, just the ideas.

* * *

''So tell us Serena, where are you applying?'' Anne Archibald asks wearing that sweet smile of hers that may seem endearing to Serena, but very pretended to Nate who is sitting next to her.

Serena puts down her fork and smiles back. He can tell she's feeling nervous by the way she squeezes his hand now and then, even though she really has no reason to. For one he doesn't give a crap what his parents think of her, because his parents are awful people. The fact that she wants to impress them so hard makes him sick to his stomach. Speaking of feeling sick, Blair's probably out with his sleazy womanizing friend at the moment and it takes a lot of self control not to react on it. He tries and tries not to think of it and fails miserably. Why does he even care? It should be simpler than it is. Blair is just another toy for Chuck to play with tonight, and Chuck is just another page in the scrapbook that is Blair's life. They won't start a relationship, even if they do it won't last more than a month, not that it's any of his business. So why does he feel like screaming? Why does he feel like punching _someone _in the face, strangling that _someone_ with his signature monogrammed scarf.

''Are you okay?'' a sudden whisper brings him out of his reverie. Serena has a concerned look on her otherwise calm angelic features. He nods and whispers a 'yes'. She's still holding on to his hand when she turns back to his parents.

''My first choice is Brown.'' There's a terrified look on her face and when he finally stops thinking about Blair and Chuck and focuses his attention on Serena, he notices that and he feels like telling his parents off. They've been torturing her with that type of question all night. _How's your brother doing at Dartmouth? How are your grades? You plan on attending an Ivy League college? Is your family vacationing in Hamptons this summer too? _It is all so obvious to him, not to her obviously. As terrified as she is she is somewhat enjoying this, she's getting in to the part. She reminds him of his mother, it takes a while for that dark thought to leave his mind. She is so excited when talking about a cotillion that it almost seems revolting, he has a sudden need for a joint but can't think of a lie bright enough to get him out of this. He swallows his needs and decides to do nothing, exactly what he's been doing with his life so far.

Serena takes another long sip of her white wine. She is nervous and ecstatic at the same time. Nate's parents seem to really like her despite her thinking they wouldn't and she couldn't be happier. Well…she could if her boyfriend didn't look as dead as a corpse right now. Sure he was acting weird lately, but nothing out of usual, she supposed it was because of the whole Ivy League thing and his lacrosse coach making him work extra hard in order to keep his position as a captain of the team. There's this other thing that she thought of a lot these past few weeks, another issue that could be bothering him and it was all her doing. They were together for good three years now, she's been in love with him even longer and yet, they've never had sex. He's failed to admit it was bothering him, but she knew it did and she knows it still does. He is a guy with raging hormones just like any other eighteen year old. She hates to be the prude she often comes to be, but it is a big deal for her and she wants to be completely sure before doing the deed. He lost his V card a while before they started dating, he came clean about that, never said who it was with and she never asked. Nate is not the kind of guy to break up with a girl because she doesn't want to put out, but there's also a possibility it's pulling them apart and she isn't sure how much longer he'll be willing to wait for her.

* * *

''You're late.'' He mutters quietly and sips on his scotch or whatever dark colored poison of choice it is tonight.

She eyes the red head leaning on the bar between them and sends her an evil glare. ''And you're not wasting your time obviously.''

The girl takes it as her sign to leave, this brunette seems like a bitch and whatever is going on between her and the dark haired man buying her a drink seems personal and threatening. She gives one last suggestive look to the guy before leaving, giving him a possible outlet. He doesn't even bother to look at her, his eyes are focusing on the girl that he was obviously waiting for. She feels pathetic enough to pick her stuff up and leave without a word, this looks intense and she has no intention of being a part of it.

''Classy.'' Blair mutters with a sarcastic quality to her voice and takes an abandoned sit next to him. The bartender appears immediately, he gives her a flirtatious look and she can't deny that he is quite easy on the eyes, but picking up random guys isn't her mission for tonight. She eyes his drink once more and looks up at him with a questioning look ''Should I even dare to try?''

Chuck smirks and downs whatever's left in the expensive scotch glass. ''It has a burning aftertaste, you'll fall in love with hating it.''

She's intrigued enough to order the drink and he seems equally intrigued by her presence there.

''So-'' he starts with that sultry tone of his and she knows the next thing coming out of his mouth won't be very innocent ''-is there a reason we're here, besides the obvious.''

She gives him the trademark Waldorf eyebrow raise that she perfected over the years ''Obvious? Which is?''

''You're feeling nostalgic and want a repetition of last year's -what I like to call- _Blairpiphany _''

She laughs at the ridiculousness he's bringing to the table. ''I'd rather not remember that fiasco, thank you very much.''

Their drinks arrive and he stands up, pushes his drink towards her and puts the jacket of his suit on. She has a near terrified look on her face. ''Where are you going, we just got here.''

''You-'' he points out matter-of-factly ''-just got here, I've been waiting for almost an hour for you to come around, now you're here and what, expect us to talk like friends?''

She sees his point of standing and if she didn't know better she'd be annoyed. But what else is there to expect from Chuck, nevertheless herself. For god's sake she called him out for drinks at ten o'clock on a Friday. Even thought she realizes it's her fault this time, she isn't exactly the kind of girl who lets guys push her around so there's no hesitation when she pulls him by his forearm and pushes him back to his seat on the bar stool.

His expression is rather amused than angry so she feels confident enough to continue.

''Uh-uh. Not tonight.'' He seems confused with her and Chuck Bass is not the one to get confused on daily basis. ''You're not leaving home with a nameless fling tonight, not in this lifetime. Tonight I call the shots and you're staying right here, for now.''

He is half annoyed half astonished with the guts she has to play with him like this. He knows he can walk away without a ping of guilt, still he can't make himself to do so, he's far too interested to why it's so important for her to have his company tonight, and he's about to find out.

''For now.'' He mutters under his breath and downs his drink, signaling the bartender to bring a new one ''Keep them coming both ways, it's going to be a long night.''

* * *

''Is that the last one?''

He puts down the heavy box marked 'literature' and looks around, nodding ''Yeah, should be it.''

His father scrunches up his nose disapprovingly and takes another sip of his drink ''Someone could've taken it up for you, we have people for that Daniel.''

Now it's his turn to scrunch, he hates when people use his full name and his father does it constantly. He shakes his remark off, decides to ignore it.

''I'm capable of carrying a few boxes myself-'' unlike you, who probably needs his servants to wipe your ass too. He keeps the last part of that to himself, in no mood to fight with his father again. It's been a long day of travelling, moving in to a new house, new environment, the worst part of it is the Upper East Side bit. He's been there for 20 minutes and he hates it already, resents it. Everything reeks of hypocrisy, double standard and rich people, starting with his father.

''I never said you weren't capable, I just said you don't need to.''

Steven Humphrey will never understand his son's point of standing, it doesn't make any sense. He worked his entire life to make a good living for him and his mother (who decided she liked the comfort of their pool-boy's one bedroom apartment in Queens rather than their mansion in SF) and what does he get for it? Not a bit of gratitude. Daniel was always stubborn and hard to deal with, but he thought that getting older would make him smarter, make him realize that he should follow his father's footsteps, become a successful lawyer and honor the family tradition. But no, what does he do? He wants to become a writer.

''I still don't see why we had to move here. Weren't there enough divorce candidates in San Francisco'' he is extremely bitter with the situation and doesn't bother to hide it. At the moment he hates the world, every living human being walking the face of Earth, his father for making him go through it all, himself for letting it happen in the first place.

''Why? Do you care to write a book about it?'' his father mocks in a low tone. Dan decides not to start that fight again cause he's in no condition to follow trough. He takes his box of literature in a freshly painted and barely furnished bedroom that he's supposed to call his room. The walls are white and grey, everything about it minimalistic, there are no bookshelves, reading lights or anything that speaks 'Dan' . Tired, he sinks down in to the white linen sheets that probably cost more than his scholarship for the year. He decides that for once he's not going to fight the luxury of it all and simply enjoy the unpleasant comfort he finds and all he wants to do is sleep. There'll be more time to plot against his father and make this room livable tomorrow because right now he's fine with being filthy rich…as long as the bed is comfortable.

* * *

Serena tries to concentrate on the talk she's having with his mother, their bonding is important to her, but she can't put herself completely in to it because Nate's behavior is out of proportions and honestly, she has no idea what's going on with him. The rest of the dinner goes the same and by the end of it she's had enough.

He offers to drive her home which she accepts and she makes a promise to herself that from this moment she won't be the first one to talk. They sit quietly for the first ten minutes of the ride. Nate's mind drifts to Blair and Chuck again, he's so frustrated that his fingers start nervously tapping on the steering wheel. Serena notices the motion; it annoys her to the point where she can no longer be quiet.

''Would you just stop that.'' It comes out as a loud hiss and it startles both of them. She feels stupid for her little outburst and looks at him apologetically.

''Sorry-'' she blinks fast, her tone is soft as she speaks ''-I didn't mean to. I meant, can you please stop tapping?''

''Yeah, sorry.'' He keeps his eyes on the road, his mind drifts from the pair that's giving him a headache and returns to the things that should matter more. Serena. She is awfully quiet, it's times like this when he realizes just how strange it is between the two when she's not endearingly rambling. He takes his right hand from the wheel and puts it on top of hers.

''Hey-'' he calls out and runs his thumb along her palm, urging her to look at him ''-what's wrong?''

She is to say startled when she feels his hand on top of hers. Her heart hurts with emotions because it's been so long since he's showed any signs of affection towards her when they were alone. He never rejects her, but he's never the one to make the first step, not anymore. It hurt beyond words, but she swallowed it and kept silent. Him asking her if anything was wrong isn't a lot, but it shows her that at least he's aware of her and hasn't given up yet. She fights the urge to cry; it would be impossible to explain that she was crying simply because he touched her hand. It's sad actually, borderline pathetic.

''Nothing.'' Everything.

He lets out an exhausted frustrated breath. He is aware of the fact that he isn't the world's best boyfriend, the worst part of it is that he doesn't care too much for it. He isn't sure why Serena and him kept their relationship going for so long when clearly things have changed. He blames both of them; her for being stuck in a dream of them being the perfect couple, him for not putting an end of it because he's simply scared. He's a coward, nothing more, nothing less. He knows it isn't right but he'd never put an end to their relationship because he is terrified of being alone. He is the captain of the lacrosse team, he is rich, he's dating one of the most popular girls in Constance. He has a status and he's not ready to give up the spotlight just yet. Yes he is a hypocrite, but at least people know of him. Another thing that's eating him up is his mixed up feelings…towards school, towards his parents, towards Serena, towards Blair.

_Blair_. He tells himself she's just a phase, something he needs to get out of his system and forget about before it gets in the way of the real thing, meaning Serena and him.

He is so into his thoughts that he almost forgets to stop when they arrive to her place. He stops the engine, not sure what to do next. She sits there for a moment before collecting her stuff and heading out. He gets out of the car too, he is too late to open the car door for her and by the time that he's out she's already up the stairs, taking two at a time.

''Hey-'' he calls out after her, trying to catch up ''-will you talk to me?''

She turns around at the sound of his voice, but the look she's giving him tells there won't be much talking tonight (or ever).

She tries to keep her anger in control but she can't. She's so fed up with him that she feels like she could either throw him from a rooftop or simply close herself up and cry herself to sleep. The second option is most likely to come true. She wanted to give him a chance tonight, she wanted to open up to him and he does what exactly? Nothing. He knows she isn't fine and he doesn't care. He acts like he wants to talk to her and understand her all the time, but it's bullshit and she knows it, she's just waiting for the right moment to call him out for it.

She turns around on her heel and her eyes focus on something above his head, he won't have the pleasure of getting her attention again tonight.

''I have nothing to say to you, so no.'' with that she's out of his view and into her building.

* * *

Okay, that's it for chapter two, I know there's a lot going on and perhaps it's kind of dull 'cause nothing's really happening yet, but just wait. We're getting to it. Plus Dan is now a part of the story, I'm kind of nervous about his character, as you see he's very OC, I hope it'll work out. Thank you for all the lovely feedback last week, I cannot tell you how much it means to me, also as you can see it makes me update on time;) so humor me, I love loooong reviews and even more suggestions of what you'd like to see, criticism if you have any. Don't be shy, till next update xoL


	3. Disappointment

Hello lovelies! I realize that my update is a little behind, I tried my best. Thank you for your reviews and suggestions, I'll try to answer all of your questions.

First of all I'm glad most of you like that Dan is a part of the story too, he actually plays a big part in this whole thing. I've heard some Derena requests, and as I said all of you will be heard. This is a multiple pairing story so everyone gets their piece of the cake.

Also to the reviewer named _enarmonios _I actually gave a lot of thought to the whole Dan thing and what I want to do with his family, so I decided that he'd be an only child living with his father. The original intention was for his father to be Rufus, but I couldn't, for the life of me, imagine Rufus as a stuck up billionaire so I made up a character and named him Steven. I hope this clears it out:)

If any of you have any questions, requests or suggestions I'll gladly answer them. Enjoy this chapter!

This chapter is 'M' rated for strong language etc.

I don't own the characters, just the ideas.

* * *

One. Two. Three. Breathe in. Breathe out.

It's okay. Everything is completely fine. His life is not falling apart and he is fine.

One. Two. Three. Breathe in. Breathe out.

No, everything is not completely fine. Everything is not even remotely fine. The universe has turned upside down. He is lost. He is drowning in an ocean of all these feelings, new and old ones colliding, suffocating him.

One. Two. Three-No! Forget it. The stupid breathing exercise won't help this time because things are fucked up beyond repair and he has no fucking clue what to do. He should have followed her, or at least try to stop her from going. Say a word to her for god's sake, but nothing. All he's capable of is standing still while watching her go. His head is telling him he should go in now. The doorman will let him in without question, Vanya knows him. Then what in his right mind is keeping him in place? He can't answer that question because he doesn't know. He feels useless just standing there so he returns to his car. The door slams loudly, it turns a couple of heads in his direction, including the one of her doorman. It's still not too late, the lights in her room are switched on. He can easily go up there, make an excuse of Serena leaving her phone in his car so her mother won't question him and he can go apologize to her.

Instead he reaches for his phone. He speed dials and waits for a few rings. Nothing.

''Damn it.'' He angrily throws his phone on the passenger seat and starts driving. He should just go home, straight to bed and sleep it off. Of course he doesn't do it. He takes a turn and knows exactly where he wants to go and what he wants to do.

* * *

''Something important?'' he asks after the second ring. Why the sudden interest? She shrugs, tries her best not to show any emotion on her face as she reclines the call. Why the hell is Nate calling her close to midnight? She doesn't want to ignore him, but there's also no way in hell that she'll talk to him right in front of Chuck. She is sure that the arrogant dark haired boy will have a lot to say about the fact that her best friend's boyfriend was calling her late at night. Sure Nate is his closest friend, but with Chuck there are no boundaries. She figures she'll drink some more, make an excuse of having to use the powder room and call Nate from there. It's a good plan, until she actually lets herself enjoy Chuck's antics and failed attempts to hit on other girls in the bar and she completely forgets about the phone call.

She laughs out loud as Chuck returns to his seat next to her with a disappointed yet not defeated look on his face.

''I'm gonna take a wild guess and say you failed to get that girl's number.''

It only takes about two seconds before his sad frown twists in to a grin as he waves a napkin with scribbled numbers on it in front of her face.

Now it's her turn to frown. ''You have got to be kidding me-'' She almost yells out ''-what, does she have a brain injury?''

''Okay-'' he rubs his palms together as if plotting world domination, his eyes dart excitedly around the place ''-which one's next?''

She sets her drink down and shakes her head ''I don't think I want to play anymore, this is kind of depressing actually.'' She laughs and is only half joking.

''Hey now, I've got two hands-'' he says with that sleaziness that only comes with years of creeping and womanizing, he puts his arm around her shoulder and brings her closer ''-didn't take you for a jealous type-'' he raises a finger and shakes his head lightly ''-oh no, wait, I did, I take you for a very jealous type and I must say Waldorf, bitch and jealous are really starting me up.''

She immediately shrugs his hand from around her neck and shoulders and pushes him away ''Eww , I'm not talking about myself you sexually frustrated psycho. You make me sad, those girls too-'' she points her hand nowhere in particular ''-I mean, how messed up does a girl have to be to fall so easily for you. Is it the money? Is every single girl on UES such a money whore?''

''Waldorf, you're getting all worked up and not at all in a hot kind of way, it doesn't suit you.''

She rolls her eyes to his statement and remains quiet.

''Here's how I see it. Girls like money. Girls also like me. I plus money equals double score. See? Not that complicated.''

He actually manages to earn a smirk from her, it's probably mocking but he'll take it. He never thought he'd be able to simply stay out with a girl trough the entire night and not make a move on her, but this actually is kind of nice. Not that he'll ever admit it. He is still determined to get her in to his bed one more time, but she's a hard nut. Nevertheless, her company is soothing. Besides, ever since Nate settled for a lesbian relationship with Serena, Chuck has no one to share his dark thoughts and ideas with. Strange as it is, Blair is the closest thing to Nate he's every going to have and that's just a fact.

''Hey-'' she suddenly touches his shoulder making him look at her ''-I am curious, what is your thing?''

He raises an eyebrow suggesting he doesn't have a clue what she's referring to.

''Your thing.-'' she repeats, this time with more volume to her voice ''-What do you do or say to women to make them sleep with you?''

He stays quiet for a while so she figures it's one of those things she'll never know, that is until he leans over and starts whispering. She can't contain herself at the way he is so protective of his ''dating secrets'' and starts giggling immediately.

''My thing is, believe it or not, my p-''

''-Chuck.'' A familiar voice calls out making Chuck freeze in place.

Nate comes closer, surprisingly delighted to see his friend at the bar. He has a lot on his mind and needs for someone to pound some sense in to him. All the craziness and womanizing aside, he can be very helpful when it comes to Nate's problems. But Chuck isn't alone, he's obviously trying to put the moves on yet another girl so he figures he'll just say hi let him stalk his pray in peace. He can't see the girl because Chuck is blocking her, but judging by her posture and her clothing she seems way too classy and put together for Chuck's preference. So when his friend finally sits back in his place and the girl turns to face him, a feeling equal to knife stabbing fills out his gut.

''Blair…'' his voice is barely above a whisper as he tries to contain himself. He feels like throwing up, his heart is pounding like crazy.

''Nate?'' she responds with equal surprise. She quickly moves Chucks hand from where it lies on her upper tight and nervously runs a hand trough her hair. She feels blush rushing to her cheeks. There shouldn't be a reason for her to be this uncomfortable, it doesn't make sense. When she finally dares to look in to those blue eyes she finds something she never would have expected; disappointment. She can't stand his judging look on her anymore so she says the first thing that comes to her mind just to ease the tension.

''Where's Serena?'' it comes out with more force than she expected earning a startled look from both the guys. ''I mean, you guys were supposed to have dinner with your parents tonight, right?''

He doesn't even have a chance to answer before Chuck cuts in. ''The perfect family officially met their future daughter in law, let me guess, they're already picking out the napkin colors for the wedding, you must be on cloud nine.''

Blair's jaw tightens when he calls Serena the future daughter in law. Chuck doesn't let it slip, oh no, he'll sure as hell remember it.

''It was fine-'' Nate mutters coldly ''-Serena was tired-'' he says, this time looking at Blair ''-I drove her home.''

She knows something is wrong from the way he talks. Concern is evident in her eyes as she offers him a seat next to hers.

''Stay with us.'' She says simply, not wanting to bring out the issue yet, not in front of Chuck because then she's sure Nate won't say a word.

He looks indecisive, but seats anyways. They are both ignoring Chuck's presence, but instead of being offended, he sees it as a social experiment. He is not stupid or blind. His friend's been in love with Blair since the dawn of time, and those longing looks she gives him and thinks she conceals so well didn't go unnoticed by Chuck throughout the years. They are both holding back because of his stepsister, the question is, how much longer before the dam breaks? The air between the two is thick as they simply stare in to each other's eyes and there's too much lingering sexual tension for Chuck to find himself in the middle of. He grabs his glass and relocates, leaving them alone to kill each other or fuck or whatever they're planning to do.

* * *

_Don't cry. Put it together and don't cry_, she orders herself, but she fails to obey. The walk to the Van der Woodsen penthouse seems to take forever. This night isn't what she expected and she can't help but feel pathetic. As she goes towards the elevator in her mind she's playing out a fight Nate and her are destined to have in the near future. She is so deep in to her thoughts that she doesn't notice she isn't the only one in the elevator.

She notices eventually. It's a tall dark haired guy, his facial features are amazing, she'd say about her age, he is well dressed. All in all he is quite easy on the eyes. She'd never seen him around before. She must have stared because he smiles all of a sudden and mutters a quiet 'hi'. Her eyes meet his and blush instantly rushes to her cheeks. She didn't intend to stare but there was something so alluring about him.

''Hi-'' the elevator doors open but neither get out ''-oh, are you a friend of Eric?''

Judging by the confused look he gives her she is wrong.

''Eric? Umm no-'' he says and smiles ''-I just moved here, third floor.''

''Oh? Welcome then, I'm Serena. Floor Four.'' She could be a little more optimistic with her welcome, but she is still overwhelmed by what happened earlier, a small lazy smile is all she can manage.

''Thanks, I'm Dan.''

* * *

I know this chapter is shorter than the others, but I'm already writing chapter four and I really want to post it by Sunday. I'm going away for a week after Sunday and I'd hate to leave you waiting for another chapter for two weeks. So if you'd like to get the fourth chapter by Sunday let me know in the review section below and I'll do my best to post it then or even Saturday night. Have a great weekend everyone, review/favorite/follow. Till next update, xoL


	4. Displeasure

Hello! I feel like I owe you an explanation for being a week behind with this chapter. I intended to update last Sunday because I was going away and didn't want to leave you hanging, but I didn't have the time to upload and check before posting so I put it on a memory stick and wanted to bring it with me...but I forgot. I just got home yesterday so this is as soon as it can be. My apologies, anyhow I hope you'll still find enjoyment reading this unfortunate chapter that I had to rewrite three times because I couldn't get it right. Sigh!

* * *

It doesn't come as a surprise when Dan returns to an empty apartment. He is exhausted beyond explanation so his first and only destination is his bed. He plops down tiredly and tries to gather his experiences from the day. Beside mundane activities he can't think of anything interesting. Well there is one thing, one girl to be exact. What's her name, Selena? No, Serena, he thinks. He didn't get much from their twenty second long encounter but she seems likeable, she is quite pretty too. The realization that he has an attraction to what seems like a normal girl appalls him. That's a first. His choice in women is colorful; they're different every time, from bohemian to hippie, rock star, crazy colored hair, no hair at all! Never normal though. He should probably give it time, they all seem normal at first. Besides he knows better than to fall for the first girl he meets in New York. He's sure there's a lot more to it than Barbie-blonde hair and shimmering tanned skin (no matter how attractive it seems). This girl Serena, she has her demons too, he's sure of it. We all do.

So far New York has been exhausting, exasperating to be exact. Something must be terribly wrong with him. He is young meaning he should like the crowd, love the city that never sleeps, fit right in. Every 18 year old person dreams of coming to New York and making it big. He already has that, he doesn't have to work in order to make it, he has the money and the status and somehow it feels awful. He doesn't feel comfortable with the luxury he is surrounded by every day because it's someone else's money. Dan Humphrey is a lot of things; you can call him rude, eccentric, dramatic and you'd be right, but one thing you can't call him is unappreciative.

He isn't sleepy at all anymore so he grabs his leather scribbling pad and writes with a black sharpie

_Things I must do before I die_

_Write a bestseller_

_Prove that I can succeed without my father's help_

_End poverty_

_Find true love_

He laughs out loud at the last thing on the list. He rips the paper out from the pad and makes a scrunched up ball of it. He should really go to sleep.

* * *

Blair sits still even though on the inside she feels like grabbing him and shaking him by his shoulders. She tries to start a conversation twice. First time she asks how the dinner went, he answers with _fine. _The second time around she tries to be more direct with _Can we talk about it? _His answer is _No need._

It bothers her because he always tells her everything. Not once since they've known each other has there been an awkward silence around them, not once has he refused to talk to her. She is desperate to get a reaction out of him and by the looks of it, the only way to achieve that is to take away the drink he's so occupied with.

''What the hell?'' he mutters as she snags his glass away and keeps it close to her.

''You're not getting it back until you talk to me.'' Her voice sounds tortured and tired.

''We're talking now.'' His response is so presumptuous it makes her want to punch his arrogant face.

''You know what-'' she angrily pushes his glass towards him and gets up from the bar stool ''-why do I even bother.''

It finally hits him just how much he needs her there when she is about to leave. Without thinking he grabs her upper arm, desperate to stop her.

''No, wait-'' he breathes out ''-I'm sorry, please don't go.''

She is hesitant so he tries again. ''Please Blair, just stay with me?''

Any other day she would obey, however not tonight.

Her lips form a straight line, her brows furrow and she shakes his hand off of her.

''I don't think I want to.''

She looks right in to his eyes before going away. She hopes to catch a glimpse of disappointment or something, anything to show that he cares. In the end she is the disappointed one as he gives her no emotion whatsoever. He just sits there, blatantly staring at her for a moment. Then he turns away and returns to his drink as if nothing happened.

It takes all the strength he has left not to get up and go after her again. It hits him just how pathetic he is, seeking for comfort from her because her best friend a.k.a. his girlfriend put him in this mood. He figures he should save the last of both their dignities so when she gets up to leave the second time he doesn't bother to go after her. What's the point? She won't listen. She doesn't care and why would she? He is nothing to her but an old childhood friend who turned in to a drinking buddy and he is okay with that, for now at least.

* * *

_What is wrong with you? _She thinks to herself as hot tears start to prickle around her eyes. She is mad, no, furious with herself. She is not the one to cry over a guy, especially a guy who she isn't even in a relationship with for god's sake. Nate can pull of a lot of things, being an indecisive bastard is the newest on the list.

She walks pass her driver who now has a concerned look on his face. He runs after her, asking what's going on.

''I need to walk this off.'' She says as if it explains everything and continues marching angrily, the heels of her Louboutins clacking loudly against the cold pavement.

''But Miss Waldorf, it's pass midnight, New York is no place for-''

''I said I'll walk.'' She sends him a warning glare so that he finally backs off, she is aware that the car will follow her anyways but even that is better than having her driver personally escort her home.

She needs time to clear her head, get her priorities straight. She's thankful there's no school tomorrow so it won't hurt to stay out extra longer to think things trough. Not that it matters, almost every senior in Constance has it easy this semester. Everyone knows which Ivy League college they're destined to attend this fall and the school and the teachers are basically handing out A's like it's Christmas morning, anything to get their girls what they've ''worked_ so hard''_ for.

Her phone buzzes signalizing an incoming call. A little part of her hopes it's Nate- not that she'd answer- but a bigger part wishes is isn't him which will help that pinch of guilt she felt for turning her back on him disappear so much easier.

She feels relieved when she finds that the caller is Serena, and then nauseated for some reason. She takes a few breaths before sliding to answer.

''Hey S, what's up?'' she tries to sound as casual as possible. There isn't an answer at first, she hears a slight snort and knows how bad it is. Whatever happened at that dinner was shit because Serena doesn't cry for no reason. She usually keeps it all in for as long as she can, she wonders what burst her bubble.

''Um hey-'' the blonde says suddenly feeling insecure, maybe she shouldn't have called, at least not until she got her act together. She thinks about hanging up but knowing Blair and her persistent nature it's better to talk right away. ''-I'm home from my dinner with the Archibalds.''

Blair nods even though Serena can't see her. _I know_, she whispers to herself.

''Yes, how did that go?'' clueless, act clueless Blair.

''Horrible-'' Serena can't keep it in any longer and breaks in to tears. Blair winces slightly and feels a pang of guilt spread through her system.

She can't relate personally because the Archibalds were always very generous and nice with her. Still, from what Nate told her they can be very unwelcoming and snotty, looks like Serena got to witness that tonight.

''I'm sorry, but hey give it time, I'm sure that his parents will realize how great you really are and come around-'' she says sincerely. At situations like this they usually go to each other's house and stay overnight, she is about to suggest it before Serena cuts her off.

''No, it's not his parents, they were fine. It's Nate-'' she pauses for a moment and exhales loudly ''-I have no idea what got in to him. Or maybe it was me, I don't know. But something is wrong and I don't know how much longer I can do this.''

Blair stops in her tracks, mouth wide open. Staying overnight at Serena's doesn't seem like a good idea anymore. She knew it! She knew he messed something up from the minute she saw him earlier today. What the hell did he do? It concerns her and intrigues her at the same time, she wants so badly to know what happened but it's not her place to ask.

''Blair? Say something?'' Serena says insecurely from the other side of the line, her voice is barely a whisper. Blair starts walking again, she picks up a pace and clears her mind quickly, she wants to help, she really does but words won't cross the altar of her mouth.

''Yes, um-'' she feels incredibly doltish, this is the first time ever that she's at a lack of words with Serena ''-I'm sure Nate will come around too.'' She says lamely repeating herself. Serena notices something is off with her and reacts to it immediately.

''What about you, is everything okay with you?'' she asks with evident concern, just like a real friend should. Blair scolds herself for being so absent-minded.

''Yes-'' she murmurs quietly as she is now entering her house. She steps into the elevator, relieved that no one's following her anymore. ''-I'm just-I had a long day and all, I hung out with Chuck-'' she decides to leave out the Nate part of it all and laughs nervously ''-you know how it is with him.''

''Oh my God-'' her friend cringes at the thought ''-please tell me you didn't go there, Blair that is awful.''

Blair is thankful that they're no longer talking about Nate, she laughs at Serena's reaction and rolls her eyes to herself. ''What exactly do you think we did?''

Serena giggles in to the phone ''I don't know, do I want to know?''

''We had a few drinks-'' Blair insists with a grin of her own ''-and that's all there's ever going to be.''

''Yeah, not like it ever happened before.'' Serena smiles knowingly, she never stopped teasing Blair after what she likes to call ''The Blair and Chuck limo fiasco'' that happened last year on Chuck's birthday. She isn't even sure if they slept together, she just knows she got in to that limo with him, didn't return 'till sunrise and both of them refused to ever talk about it. Everyone just assumes they hooked up because it seems like the most reasonable explanation. Besides it wouldn't be the first time for Blair to have a random hookup, behavior that Serena didn't approve off but could do nothing against.

''Let's not even go there.'' Blair says closing the topic. She quietly climbs up the stairs to her bedroom. She plans to throw herself a bubbly bath even though it's almost two in the morning and then maybe watch Breakfast at Tiffany's. She's not going to get any sleep tonight anyways. She slowly turns the knob to her room and enters locking the door after her. Dorota has a habit of letting herself in early on Sundays and serving her breakfast in bed, Blair wants to skip that today. She notices right away that there's dim light in the room, she probably left her nightstand lamp on by accident. She turns around, ready to dive in to her heavenly bed and stops dead in tracks. Her heart drops to her heels as she sees a figure sitting on the edge of her four poster bed.

''Nate?''

* * *

There you go! I'm trying really hard to make this as interesting as possible. I hope you like it so far. So please leave a review, you have no idea how rewarding it is to read all of your lovely comments. I promise I'll do my best to get the next chapter up ASAP. Till next update, xoL


	5. Attraction

The update is a bit late since school is starting and it's crazy again! There hasn't been much feedback which kind of makes me sad, but I still hope you enjoy reading this. If there are any requests, questions or changes you'd like to have feel free to suggest or ask. I'll answer to any questions.

I don't own the characters used in this story, just the ideas.

* * *

_Forty-nine, fifty, fifty-one, when does she even get a chance to wear all these shoes, and isn't one pair of black heels enough? Apparently not_…he stops counting as he hears light steps coming towards the door. His heart starts racing, he is nervous to see her, even more nervous because he has to explain how and why he is at her room this late/early.

She enters the room slowly, visibly trying not to make a sound, she is quick to turn around and lock the door, so quick that she doesn't even notice him at first. When she eventually turns around she freezes. He gets up from his sitting position and takes a step towards her. She still isn't speaking, she's just staring at him like he's from outer space. He gives her a small smile hoping it would ease the tension. She opens her mouth and is about to speak but he stops her.

''Don't freak out.'' he says before she can say anything, her mouth drops and she shakes her head lightly.

''What are-how did-'' she speaks tongue-tied. She should be super mad at him for sneaking in to her house and her room, but she isn't. It seems like she actually wants him here and it scares the hell out of her.

''I-I had nowhere to go-'' he miserably tries to explain, he had a few drinks at the bar after she left, and had a joint after the second course during his family dinner so thinking with his brain was a bit harder than usual, that is probably why he got here in the first place. To top it all off she looks incredible; her hair is pushed behind her shoulders to relieve her amazing collar bones, her cheeks have a natural rosy blush from the chill outside and that dress she's wearing fits her like second skin. She never looked more beautiful, or maybe she did but he's only seeing it now. He has a lot of explaining to do and all he wants is to touch her skin, feel it's silkiness underneath his touch. He shivers at the thought and shakes it off quickly. She is still waiting for him to speak. He clears his throat and continues.

''I mean I had somewhere to go, but I had to see you, talk to you-'' she is still quiet, she just stares at him, he wonders if she's doing it on purpose just to make him nervous ''-I also came to apologize for earlier, I had a crappy night and it was none of your fault, I had no right to act out on you like that.''

She finally gives him feedback, it's only a nod, but it's still something. She puts her black leather purse on the pale blue chaise by the huge windows of her room. She jumps out of her shoes, sending her cardigan after them.

She acts like he doesn't exist for the first five minutes, she messes with his head for a little just to see how far she can push it, then she gets tired of it herself and reaches for her purse again. She takes out a box of Merit Ultra Lights and puts one slim cigarette between her lips before throwing the box in his direction. He is prepared and catches it with one smooth move. After she lights her own cigarette, she sends the lighter too and he does the same.

''Have you never heard of voice mail?'' she says with a grin. He chuckles, all of the weight leaving his chest. He recovers quickly and easily falls in to a pattern with her, it's always easy with them. Tonight was the first serious fight they've had in a long time and he is beyond relieved to find that she is still her old self, the one he can be completely like himself around.

She walks over to her window bench and hops on it, pushing open both of the windows and puffing smoke out in to the night.

''You're not mad I'm here.'' It's supposed to be a question but it comes off as a statement, a realization. She shakes her head no and makes an 'O' shape with her mouth, trying to blow out rings of smoke, she fails at her attempt and smiles foolishly at her own nonsense. He laughs at her somewhat childish nature and sits on the opposite side of the bench.

''Put your lips like this.'' He gestures and blows out a line of perfect smoke rings. She mimics his motion and giggles proudly when she succeeds. She taps her cigarette to get rid of the access ash and accidentally gets some on his slacks.

''Oh sorry-'' she chuckles and reaches to clean it off but he stops her hand the minute it touches his pants. The reason he does so is because he's a guy who's had some drinks and she is a girl, a very very attractive girl who is about to shove her hands up his tight, there's only way this could end so he puts a stop on before it gets out of hand.

''It's okay.'' He says, hoping she didn't catch his blush.

''I'm not.'' she says quietly. He responds with a confused expression ''Of course I'm not mad you're here.'' She says simply as she turns around so that her legs are now swinging over the edge of her window, that action gives him a minor heart attack, his hand instinctively reaching out to grab her upper arm.

''Careful.'' he warns with serious concern, that pot from earlier is starting to kick in again and making him very paranoid.

She chuckles at his reaction, he is clearly recovering from intoxication, maybe he's even a little drunk and a half-drunk stony Nate never fails to amuse her, for one he is brutally honest, and that's just the start of it.

''It's not like I'm going to jump.'' She says to her defense and starts swinging her legs with more force. He throws away his cigarette stub and puts his hands on her knees trying to stop her actions.

''You're going to fall and I won't be able to catch you.'' He grins joining the playful banter.

''You'd let me fall?'' She dares.

He removes his hands from her knees, one of them landing on his side and the other one on the small of her back. His eyes turn a deep blue as he speaks with dead seriousness, the tenderness of his voice soothing her ears.

''I'll never let you fall.''

The two share a look for a moment. Blair doesn't dare to breathe. Looking at his eyes is different than times before. She feels that well known flutter in her stomach and as they lean a bit in to each other fear and excitement fill her out. She knows what this is, this is how every kiss starts and the realization shakes her from deep within. What scares her the most is the reality of it all; he might actually go for it and the defeating fact is that a big part of her wants him to do it. A loud bang spreads down the street startling them both so they break apart. It's a freaking cat knocking over a trash can, she realizes and curses silently. Still, it's exactly the shakeup she needs, she got so lost in those alluring blue eyes that she was a step away from doing a fatal heart-breaking/friendship-wrecking mistake. She hops down from the window bench and starts pacing around her room trying to find something to keep her hands busy so they won't land on forbidden territory.

''So um-'' she speaks to ease the awkward situation they were in. The both know what almost happened there a minute ago. They almost fucking kissed for heaven's sake. Her brain goes to overdrive trying to find something that could keep them talking for a while. A topic pops to her mind, and even though she's unsure of bringing it up considering it's sensitive nature, she spills out anyways ''-how was tonight?''

She is aware that she asked him this already earlier tonight and it didn't go very well, it actually caused them to fight in the first place but it's the only thing she can think of and they are in a serious need for something to fill out the mortifying silence.

He flinches slightly at her mention of earlier. She asked him in the bar too and it got them in to a fight. He doesn't intend to make the same mistake twice so he thinks twice before he answers. It gets him nowhere as usual so he decides to just talk.

''Uh-'' he breathes out, rubbing his temple ''-exhausting.'' He admits finally. She doesn't ask any questions but she's looking at him expectantly so he continues.

''My parents went on and on about college and socialite events-'' he stares out in to the night, it's so peaceful, a complete contrast to how he's feeling ''-and the worst part of it all is that Serena actually went with it. It just-'' he's unsure whether he can speak about this with Blair or not, after all she is Serena's best friend, but he is absolutely certain that she wouldn't tell Serena if he asked her to, so he continues ''-it's not the same as it used to be. I love her-'' he stops, his voice is so weak his profession doesn't sound true even to him. To be honest he doesn't know if it is true or not, he's conflicted with his feelings and no matter how hard he tries he can't get a grip on them.

It could be her mind playing games with her but there is something wrong here. It's like Nate's talking of someone else. There's no spark in his eyes when he says Serena's name, he doesn't smile when he talks about her like he used to, he doesn't even try to fake it. She could be making it all up because it's late and she's high on cigarette smoke, coffee and sleep deprivation, but even in a state like this she knows something is wrong. This isn't the Nate she's used to and it's kind of freaking her out.

''Hey.'' she gets up from her bed and starts walking towards him, once she reaches him she puts her hands on his shoulders to make him look at her.

''This is just a phase, you'll get over it, you'll both get over it. You love each other, just buy her those chocolates she loves so much and tell her how sorry you are. She'll be wrapped around your finger by the time she's finished with the chocolates.'' She chuckles, despite herself. This is the hundredth time she's giving him this talk, also the first time that she feels sickened by it. Still she smiles pretending that everything is okay.

Nate thinks about what she just said. Taking in count everything that's going on with him and Serena at the moment, not a thousand boxes of chocolate and apologies can help, still, he nods in agreement and gives her a small smile. He can still feel her warm silky skin underneath his fingertips and it sends chills down his spine, his head is spinning, he feels like he's been set on fire and he's slowly burning down in unspeakable torture. He gets up from the window bench and runs a hand trough his hair.

''I should probably go.''

She is quiet and sits back on her bed. He sends her a glace before closing the door after him and she melts just a little. She plops down on to the satin pillows, the only thing she wants to do is scream from the top of her lungs until her voice disappears completely and there is nothing left but silence. No. No. No. This isn't possible. Blair Waldorf isn't falling for a guy, let alone Nate. Serena's Nate. She gives herself the same talk she just gave him a few minutes ago. _This is all just a phase, you'll get over it._

Forget about it.

* * *

When Dan gets home he is greeted by a scream that fills out the entire hallway, it's followed by shouting and bad English ''Oh you stupid animal! I get you, and kick you out, you dead when I get you!''

He raises an eyebrow and walks in to find their maid screaming at nothing in particular.

''Um hello?'' He greets and startles the woman. She grabs at her heart to grab a tacky golden cross charm and exhales loudly.

''Young mister Humphrey, you scared me.'' She speaks and wipes away invisible sweat from her forehead. It is still unclear to him why they needed two maids and a cook in an apartment, but his dad wanted them so they are here to stay.

He smiles awkwardly and nods. He is about to go to his room but remembers the scene he walked in to ''Oh, Gloria? What's all the commotion about?'' He asks and puts his bag on the floor. She picks it up immediately, dusting it off with her hand and going towards his room.

''It's the stupid cat. It runs away all the time, can't get her. It leaves hair everywhere!'' She yells so he could hear her in the living room. He smirks as a black cat with thick fur passes him, meowing loudly. Gloria emerges from the room running after the cat. The whole situation is borderline hysteric. He watches with amusement until both the cat and the maid disappear in to the hallway.

''Ah no…stupid cat.'' She whines back.

''What's the matter?'' he asks trying to contain his smirk and pours himself a glass of orange juice.

''It ran away, you don't close the door.'' She comes in to the kitchen gesturing wildly.

''Oh-'' he gives her a guilty look. He puts down his glass and rushes out ''-I'll get her, don't worry.''

''No, no, no-'' he grunts trying to catch the little black ball of fur ''-not the stairs.''

But it's not like the little devil listens, oh no, it goes straight up another flight of stairs and disappears behind the corner.

''Holy sh-'' a surprised but delicate voice mutters. He recognizes it right away, so when he gets around the corner and stumps upon Serena he isn't surprised. She notices him right away, even though most of her attention is focused on the wide opened penthouse door.

''Dan-'' she says with a confused expression ''-is that your cat?''

He rubs the back of his head and gives her an apologetic look.

''Yeah, I'm sorry. I'll get it right away.'' He explains waiting for her to respond. She gives him a small nod and a chuckle.

''Come on in-'' she gestures for him to step in ''- I just got here. What's its name?''

Dan looks at her quizzically.

''The cat?'' she asks with a smile which he returns. He is adorable and charming without even trying. Something about this guy is pulling her in and she can't put her finger on it. Lots of men flirt with her everyday and she usually ignores it because of Nate. Now however she is the one who can't get her eyes off of him and it's driving her insane. She isn't the one to lose control, especially over a guy. The latest events brought her to a point of questioning her ongoing relationship with Nate. She wants to sort that out first and this confusion with another man in her life isn't going to be of much help.

''Oh, of course. It's Adonis, like the god of beauty and desire.'' He explains as he grabs the cat and snuggles it against his chest so it won't run again.

Serena nods and smiles, the kitty is adorable, but who names their cat Adonis? Blair had a kitten once, her name was Kitty Minky, that's what you name your cat, not something that represents beauty and…desire? Does he have desire for his cat? Concentrate Serena! She does that to herself when she gets too nervous or excited, she over thinks and it doesn't make sense half the time.

He is about to say goodbye before things get really odd but he stops himself as his eyes fall on a framed picture by the door. Serena and another girl on a beach, hands wrapped around each other, smiles stretched from ear to ear. His eyes quickly slip from Serena on to the petite goddess adorned with mocha locks that spill over her milky sun kissed skin, her eyes are the prettiest shade of brown, a color that makes them look twice their size and twice as piercing, her lips are perfectly curved in a delicate lady-like smile that hides a lot of secrets. He is stunned, even though he assumes she's one of those UES robot girls she is still the most beautiful woman he's ever seen.

Serena thinks of the right thing to say, but all of her effort fades away when she realizes that the reason he is so quiet all of a sudden is because he's starring at a picture of her and Blair, Blair in particular. She can't help that little pang of hurt that spreads through her chest because honestly, Blair doesn't even need to be in the same room as her to unconsciously put her down, it's just how it is.

She swallows the guilt and erases the hurt from her system. She clears out her throat before finally speaking up.

''He is very cute.'' She says quietly, her voice finally makes him look away from the picture. He is confused for a second but quickly recovers and nods.

''Yeah, I should probably go.'' He says and steps out. He gives her one last glance before heading down. ''I guess I'll see you around.''

* * *

There you go! I hope I'll get the next chapter up within a week, it depends on you guys and your reviews too (wink,wink) so don't be shy;) I'll do my very best to get this up ASAP. Till next update xoL


	6. Indifference

Hello everyone! I apologize for being so late with the update. I couldn't log on to my FF account for 8 days, I have no idea what hapened but thankfully it's fixed feedback was lovely last week, it cheered me up so much I immediately wanted to write more. Thank you for putting up with my weird update schedule, I'm preparing for college so most of the time I do work for school and it's exhausting. This wonderful place called is my hideaway. You guys asked some questions last week and I promised to answer all of them so here it is.

_Enarmonios was wondering if Dan's cat was the one who ruined the almost Nair kiss, it wasn't, it's just a coincidence:D_

_Koala bear asked if I will write about the characters' college years, to be honest I'm not a hundred percent positive but I most likely will. Their senior year is coming to an end and I have a whole lot planned so the story probably will follow them to college._

Thank you for your questions and if you have any more please, be my guest. Enjoy this little chapter I prepared for you!

I don't own the characters used in this story, just the ideas.

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Blair grips the covers of the book she is holding, forcing her eyes to stay on the text, but it seems like an impossible task. The springtime sun has no mercy upon the Constance yard where she is seated at a secluded bench trying to cram for an upcoming psychology test. Everything around her is buzzing, from children in a park nearby to gossip and buzzing phones of her peers. All of that is nothing compared to a specific person who has their blue eyes set on her for some time now. She thinks about going over to say hi, but she isn't ready to confront him yet. A group of girls who she used to refer as her minions approach her, blocking her view.

''Hello Blair.'' A tall dark haired girl speaks with practiced fake kindness.

She doesn't say a word, instead she gives them a quick eyebrow raise and looks at them expectantly. It's the same cold treatment the girls are used to. They all walk around the school with their head held high and enjoy the ultimate bitch status they think they have, that is until Blair is around. As much as they admire her, they are scared of her. It's a love hate kind of relationship if you can call it a relationship at all. The title _Blair's sidekick_s as everyone else in the school calls them fits them perfectly.

Penelope clears her throat and gives a look to Kati, who ignores her completely. She jabs her in the ribs before giving up and speaking herself.

''_Is_ is throwing a party tonight since her parents are off to Hamptons. The whole school is going to be there''

Blair is not amused by the little show they are putting up. She rolls her eyes to herself and closes her textbook. The sidekicks are getting nervous, they aren't usually the ones who throw parties, but when you do throw a party on the UES it's crucial for the school royalty to be there, and that includes Chuck, Serena, Nate, the rest of the lacrosse team and of course Blair Waldorf. If Blair refuses to show up it is destined to be a major flub.

Jessica, one of the minions who transferred to Constance last semester, gathers the courage and in all desperation tries once more.

''Serena is going to be there, Nate also.'' She thinks that she did a great thing by bringing up Blair's best friends, when in fact she couldn't have chose worse.

Blair presses her lips together at the names. _Great, just the people I want to see. _She gathers her belongings and stuffs them in her Kate Spade tote. She turns around on her heel before moving on.

''Maybe I'll be there.'' She says calmly but adds in a twisted smile at the end just to burst their bubble. ''Maybe not.''

She is aware that going in this direction makes it inevitable for her and Nate to meet and as nerve-wracking as it seems, it's not nearly as horrible as dealing with her copies.

He is putting out his cigarette against the stone wall of their school, she can't help shaking her head at the act.

''You know you could get in to a lot of trouble for even smoking on school property, let alone putting it out on a 200 year old building that is our school.'' She points out with a trademark judgmental look that she perfected over the years.

His eyes meet hers and he smiles as he runs a hand trough his hair, despite herself she finds it very attractive.

''And you know, the old Blair would just shut it and ask if she can get a smoke.'' He teases back. God, it's been only two days since he's seen her but it feels like ages.

She answers with a raised brow and tilts her head to the side. ''Did you just call me old?''

''No, never.'' He puts his hands up in pretended defeat. ''I called you boring.''

He laughs at the cute frown he elicits from her, teasing her is definitely his favorite pastime.

''Very well then-'' she stops for a brief second and folds her arms against her chest ''-take it back.''

''Why?'' He walks around her, his hand briefly touches her back and it proves that the most mundane things turn her on lately. ''What are you going to do? Pin me against the wall?''

_Yes, but not in a way you'd expect. _She feells hot blood rushing to her cheeks and tries to concentrate, she can't let him have this one.

''I could knock you over.'' She says in all seriousness and gives him a little nudge.

''Oh really now.'' He challenges and gives her a little push with his index finger. She sends him a sweet smile before throwing him of his balance, literally. In a second her delicate hands are against his chest and before he can even think his back is against the stone wall.

''Really.'' She responds and starts walking away with a satisfied grin on her fox like features. He is too fond of her reaction to just let her slip like that so he quickly gathers his posture and grabs a hold of her upper arm, lightly swirling her around so that she is pinned against the wall.

_What the hell are you doing? _He doesn't know. He doesn't want to know, he just wants to…God he wants to kiss her, more than he's ever wanted anything in his life and fuck the fact that they are in the school yard where everyone can easily see them. Fuck the fact that he has a girlfriend. Fuck everything because right now kissing her seems like the only thing he should be doing. Her eyes are staring right back at his, what he sees in them makes him even more determined to go through with what his body wants, there's no track of fear in her, just the opposite. She looks wanting, willing, her dark eyes stare in to his core and that little smirk on her lips is more than daring. His lips part slightly as their foreheads touch. He wants to do it. He is going to do it.

''Hey Nat-uuh…wha-''

They break apart in matter of seconds at the sound of her voice.

''What are you two doing?'' Serena's brows furrow. He gulps down hard and shakes his head trying to recover from what just (almost) happened. He cracks a smile and opens his mouth to speak but Blair is faster. _Of course she is._

''Nate said I couldn't take him down, so I proved him wrong, showed him who's the boss-'' she sends him a wide grin which is there to mask the almost incident. It seems like Serena bought it because she is no longer staring at them with a killer look and is now chuckling too. But Blair wouldn't be Blair without pushing it.

''I'll tell you what-'' she redirects her gaze over to him and steps closer to look right in to his eyes ''-he may be pretty, but he doesn't have the guts to actually do what he wants.''

If her intention was to simply piss him off, then she got what she wanted because he is done. His jaw clenches as she passes him by.

''Yeah, you're the one to talk.'' He mutters under his breath so only she can hear him to which she responds with a sarcastic smirk. She is once again walking off with a satisfied grin on her face, but this time he can't do a thing about it…and it's driving him mad.

''What was that all about?'' Serena asks with a puzzled expression.

His eyes are on the brunette as she makes her way through the crowd. Every guy is checking her out as she goes; it makes him want to eat himself alive. He remembers Serena's question and shakes his head lightly. ''Blair can be a bitch sometimes.''

He leans in to give her a small peck on the lips. It is halfway through the kiss when he remembers that she is probably still very pissed at him and that they are in the middle of a fight.

''Umm-'' he lets his eyes close for a second so he can gather his thoughts. Apologizing seems like the right thing to do, even though he is doing it because it's supposed to be right, not because he wants to. ''-I'm sorry about the other night. I had a lot on my mind and I shouldn't have acted out on you.''

Serena is focused on every precisely pronounced word that comes out of his mouth. Not a single one of them is true. So it's come to the point where he is fake apologizing right to her face. She wonders what the next stage is; cheating? Unless he did that too. She is fed up with it all.

''If you're so sorry, why did it take two days to say it? Or I don't know, answer my calls, maybe?'' the tone of her voice changes from calm to mad in a matter of seconds. He puts his hands in his pockets and proceeds to stare at the floor. She hates him for it.

''I was busy.'' He says with no emotion at all, it makes him want to roll his eyes at himself.

''You were busy? With what? Visiting nightclubs with Chuck and Blair?'' she chokes on her words and stops talking before she cracks. He finally looks up at her with a guilty expression.

''I-''

''Chuck told me, because lately everyone seems to know everything that's going on in your life except for me.''

There's unspoken hurt in her voice that he caused, he keeps bringing himself back to being _that_ guy. The one who makes the girl suffer, yet she never lets go of him because he has her in his grasp. If he could only let her out of his grasp, life would be so much easier. But he can't. He is too afraid of what would happen if things changed, it has been the same for five years. The status, the wealth, the popularity, everything that comes with it they have. If he breaks his bond with Serena there is a possibility he will lose himself too, she is the one who keeps him in place, who gives him status, a ground to stand on, love (he doesn't deserve anymore). But she doesn't give him purpose and he isn't sure how much longer he can live without a purpose.

''So what happens now?'' He is asking her to make the choice he isn't capable of making himself.

''What do you want to happen?'' She fights back with her own system.

_I don't know. _''Do you want to be with me?'' he answers with a questions that shakes her whole being.

Does she want to be with him? The real question is _Does she want to stick around to new Nate._ In all honesty, if he was like this when they first met, she wouldn't even take a second look at him. Now however they have years of being together, years of memories and love that used to be. Does she want to fight and get it back or is she done with fighting. The answer is very clear for her, sadly she can't grant the same thing for him.

''I don't think I'm the one who should be answering that question.'' She takes a short pause and after a lot of thinking and preparing herself for the heartbreak that is ahead for her she speaks.

''If I gave you an out from this relationship-'' his eyes widen as she speaks with strained voice ''-would you take it?''

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I'm sorry there was no Dan in this chapter, but he is in the next one which is the party and the aftermath of the party. Lots and lots of drama to come and lots of everything gossipy and fun ;D Don't be shy, leave a review, suggestion, question. Anything that you'd like to know about the following chapters or maybe ideas of your own. In the end I have a question for you guys, which pairings would you like to see together in the future chapters?

Till next update,xoL


	7. Confrontation

Hello my dear readers! I hope you all had a good week, mine was exhausting but good nevertheless. Here is a little chapter to brighten up your day.

I don't own the characters used in this story, just the ideas.

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''This party blows.'' Chuck Bass mutters as he finishes his shot of Stolichnaya. He gives a lazy look to Penelope just to emphasize how unpleased he is with his surroundings. ''You said this is going to be the event of the year and I've yet to see any action.'' He rises to his feet and takes his blazer off the armchair he was sitting on just now.

''Where are you going?'' The brunette warns and pulls him back by his sleeve ''Come back here, it's only eleven thirty. People are just starting to gather.''

''Five more minutes.'' He grunts and falls back to the armchair signalizing to the good looking waitress (who he intends to have fun with afterwards) to bring him another drink. ''It looks like that's all it's going to take.''

Penelope gives him an odd look. She follows his eyes to the other side of the room where Blair Waldorf just entered. She looks like a dream in her black skintight Marc by Marc Jacobs dress and leather pumps. Simple and sophisticated yet so racy and perfect, why didn't Penelope think of wearing something like that?

Chuck watches her from his seat. She has this smug look on her face that says she's all kind of trouble, the one that makes every pair of male and female eyes glued to her whether in lust or jealousy, or maybe even both. She walks steadily straight to the bar. She isn't the one to go straight to drinking like he is; she likes to mingle and earn her social points first. This alone is enough to spark his curiosity and he doesn't think twice before walking over to her.

''Already?'' he points to her drink with a smirk ''Who's got you so worked up?'' It seems like he went to the wrong place when she so much as gives him a stoned expression followed by an unwelcoming glare. He doesn't give up that easily.

''Secretive and cold as ice, I like it.''

Annoyed by his snark she implodes. ''What do you want Chuck? Has it come to the point where not even attention whores like Kati and Is are repelled by you?''

''Ease up on the language Morticia-'' Chuck Bass is the kind of person that can take an insult, but will never hold back and acting out on it ''-if I wanted a bitch I would have bought a dog.''

He gets in to her face which she decides not to tolerate tonight.

''I'm already visualizing ductape over your mouth.'' She picks her drink up and hops off the stool. She really wants to go outside, maybe take it to the terrace and chill there for a minute. She wanted to come to this party so bad earlier and now that she is here she regrets that impulsive decision.

''Blair, hey.'' A familiar warm voice behind her speaks. She closes her eyes for a minute and resists biting her tongue in agony. It is very wrong to avoid your best friend, she realizes, even worse, avoiding her because you have some unresolved issues with her boyfriend that she has no idea about.

''Serena!'' she turns around and throws on her best smile. She doesn't have to act too much because she is honestly happy to see her best friend. They've grown apart and it's something she'll always miss no matter how old she is or if she's even on her friend list.

Nate stands quietly as girls exchange a hug. More than usual his head is all over the place (especially around Blair's choice of clothes) and more than usual he needs a joint. The girls break apart and Blair's eyes fall on him. She eyes him with concern and he wonders what is there for her to worry about. He should be the one to look distraught. His last talk with Serena was a complete disaster. He still struggles to make sense of it. Why did he choke? She asked him straightforwardly if he wanted an out. It's the question he's wanted to hear more than anything for the last three months at least. He straightened his posture, gritted his teeth together, was ready to give her a straight answer but when he opened his mouth to speak nothing came out. A fucking coward, that's what he is. And now he is here at a party he doesn't want to be at with a girl who settled for him and a girl he craves for.

''Hey.'' Blair's unusually light voice greeted him. He gave her a soft smile which Serena registered right away.

''Hi.''

The three of them stand there for a few seconds. The effervescent trio is playful no more and it doesn't take long for people to notice. Everyone in the room has their eyes glued to the phenomenon in front of them.

''What happened over there?'' Kati speaks first among her group. Isabelle is quick to reply.

''Haven't you heard? Serena cheated on Nate this summer when she was vacationing in Spain. Blair told him yesterday so things are really awkward with them right now.''

''Like you would know that. Besides Nate is the one who went to Spain!'' Jessica, Blair's most loyal minion peaks her head up. ''Blair had nothing to do with it, she is too busy volunteering at the children's hospital.''

''Yeah like Blair would ever get close to kids on purpose.'' Is throws back.

''Ladies, calm your gossiping hormones, I'm trying to watch the show over here.'' Chuck Bass speaks from his seat at the bar. The waitress from earlier is forgotten as he finds himself something more interesting to enjoy.

''So-'' Nate speaks all of a sudden. Everyone is staring at them shamelessly, classic UES. He wants to get out of the spotlight as soon as possible, he has more important things to deal with right now. ''-should we go get some drinks?''

Serena nods and looks over to Blair who is shaking her head lightly.

''You guys go ahead, I've already had a few. I'll just hang around a bit.''

Her excuse sounds perfectly reasonable to the unsuspecting Serena, but Nate doesn't buy it. She is avoiding them and not doing a very good job at it. The thing he worries about the most is whether Serena is honestly blind to the whole thing or is she just pretending not to notice anything.

Blair is trying to make her way out but she can barely move through the hoard. People are whispering and ogling something at the entrance but her petite figure doesn't allow her to see too much. It does however allow her to push through the crowd with very little effort. She finally gets through and is surprised at what she sees.

Tall, dark hair, remarkable face features, dark eyes, even more than that. There's something about him that she's never seen before, something that doesn't look like it belongs to the Upper East Side. Is he new around here? He must be, she's never seen him around school and it simply isn't possible that she overlooked him. No, she would remember a face like that.

He looks fairly uncomfortable with everyone's staring which she can relate to completely. She wants to know who this guy is, mostly because she can't handle unknowing. Blair Waldorf is a girl who loves control and will do everything in her power to keep it in her hands.

At first it feels like he's on a fucking red carpet or something, but then everyone stops staring and starts giving him sideway glances while rambling rapidly to their friends and he curses himself quietly for even coming here. His eyes search the room in hopes of finding a familiar face when he sees her. That girl from Serena's picture_, the girl_. His heart starts beating faster than usual, a chemical reaction, he tells himself. Speaking from his experience a girl that appealing to him must either be a bitch in real life or a total fuckup. But hey, who knows. He decides to play with fate tonight and plans to go straight ahead to meet her. At least that way he'll know exactly what he's dealing with before he gets it in his head that he's into her.

His trip is cut short when a duo dressed from head to toe in pink approaches him.

''Hi.'' The taller girl speaks. ''I'm Penelope.'' She reaches out and they shake hands. Do people still do that though, shake hands?

''And I'm Isabel, but you can call me Is, everyone does.''

He makes an ''O'' with his mouth in sign of recognition. ''You're the girl who threw the party, right?'' She smiles and nods in a way she probably thinks s cute, but it's fake and annoying to the guy who just wants to meet the femme fatale….who's walking away right now.

''So, how long have you-''

''Listen, I'd love to talk-'' he cuts her off and takes his hand back, his eyes following the brunette ''-but I have to take this call.'' He holds up his blank phone and flees the scene.

''Ugh, rude.'' Isabel scrunches up her nose at the unwelcoming gesture.

''Whatever-'' Penelope waves her hand ''-he's hot.''

* * *

''What can I get you, love birds?'' A bartender asks as Nate and Serena take their place at the bar. They both glance at each other, Nate shifts awkwardly and clears his throat. Bartender's mouth slightly part as he starts to apologize.

''Oh, I'm sorry, I just thought the two of you were together, that's all.''

Serena smiles nervously and looks down feeling very uncomfortable. ''We are.''

The guy doesn't say a thing to that but instead pours a red liquid in to two scotch glasses and hands them out.

''I think you'll enjoy this.'' He says quietly and turns around to serve other party guests.

Nate downs his drink in an instant while Serena leaves hers untouched.

''You still haven't answered my question.'' She says blankly. He refuses to look at her and proceeds to stare at the marble counter.

''Do we have to do this now?'' he grunts with annoyance and starts tapping his foot nervously, and act that she simply can't stand.

''Yes Nate we have to do this now. I can't do this anymore.'' She says under her breath but her voice is filled with suppressed anger.

''Can't do what?'' he hisses back. She opens her mouth to speak but doesn't say a word, her eyes are filled with tears again which is a direct punch of reality.

''I'm sorry-'' he whispers with true regret, it's not her fault that he's acting like this, it's no one's fault, they've just outgrown each other and having a hard time dealing with the consequences.

''Don't even bother.'' She says with strained voice and storms toward the stairs that lead to the roof.

* * *

''I'm such an idiot.'' Serena mutters to herself while searching through her clutch to find some tissues. In her clumsy nature she lets the whole thing slip from her shaky hands which results with everything spilling over the floor. ''God damnit.'' She cries out loud and can't take it anymore. Her heart aches and her makeup is spilling all over her sun kissed cheeks as she slowly turns in to a mess.

''Serena?'' A deep female voice calls behind her, she wipes her teary eyes with the back of her hand to find Blair standing there, a glass of champagne in her hand and a lit cigarette between her fingers.

''Serena wait-'' a breathless voice joins in. Nate stops in his tracks at the scene. He doesn't know if he should be more upset by Serena's emotional breakdown or the fact that Blair is there with a shocked look on her porcelain doll face. He sends her an urgent worried look and her shocked one quickly turns in to a disbelieving one.

''Just go Nate.'' Serena pleads trough her tears.

''No, just please talk to me.'' He steps closer but she moves away.

Blair gets her clutch and her glass in a millisecond and unsteadily walks to the closest entrance in order to get herself out of there. She closes the door behind her and leans against it to gather her thoughts. She isn't aware of the hot tears rimming her eyes. She takes in a deep breath and closes her eyes for a second. A tear escapes her cat eye adorned auburn eye and she wipes it off quickly. She tells herself it's the weight of all the stress and everything that's happened over the past few months, though deep inside even someone as cold hearted as she is can't deny that this may be happening because the man she loves is fighting for the love of another woman.

* * *

Nate feels helpless just standing there, doing nothing. As much as he wanted to focus on this ongoing fight with Serena he can't bush the girl who just left out of his mind. That's when the question hits him for the second time.

''If I gave you an out from this relationship, would you take it? That's what I asked you.'' the question he has been avoiding the entire day echoes through his head. The shock is evident on his face, he doesn't even try to hide his disbelief. She wiped away her tears and is standing completely still, she never look fiercer in her life. He isn't used to this side of her. She usually presents herself all nice and bubbly, he's never seen her take a stand for herself and come forward. That's just one more thing for the list of everything that's wrong with their toxic relationship.

He is standing there and simply staring at her. Did he really not see it coming? Was he that unaware of everything that's happened lately.

She's supposed to feel sad and grieve the possible ending of their long-term relationship but now that all tears are cried out all that's left in her system is anger. How did she put up with this kind of behavior throughout the years? Was she that blind? She's at the point of breaking and can't keep this up anymore. As soon as she is sure they are away from any audience she lets herself lash out.

''Answer me!'' she yells startling them both. ''Talk to me for God's sake. Talk to me for once.'' Angry tears are surfacing and she can't help it stop. She can't take back what she said either so what else is there to do than continue. ''You know why this isn't working? Why it'll never work? It's because of your stupid pride that you only seem to care for when you're around me. That is why I'm constantly mad. I've kept it in for so long and I can't anymore. I can't Nate. My chest aches with rage just at the thought of it. Do you really mean it when you say you love me-'' tears are again spilling down her blushed cheeks, she hates that she's so weak around him ''-because I don't think you do. Why does everyone else get to see all of you and I get this _Nate Archibald captain of the fucking lacrosse team persona_?''

''What are you talking about?'' Great, now he is yelling too. Just like her he is tired. Tired of pretending. Tired of trying to be what he thought she wanted him to be. Tired of fighting. Tired of them. And if she gets her free pass to yell her heart out than why couldn't he do the same. After all, they are both equally fucked up.

''What am I talking about?'' her tears stop and anger is all there's left ''How about that time when you ended up in a hospital because of an injury on the field and I found out the next night, from Chuck. Or that time that you oh so causally decided to disappear and go to Spain with Chuck for a week without even picking up you phone. Or how about that time that you told Blair EVERYTHING that's on your mind and you politely brushed me of? Ooh that's right….That's. All. The. Time.''

Her confession comes out as a direct punch to his gut. The guilt it brings is eating him up and he literally feels sick to his stomach.

''Okay fine.'' He yells out. ''You really want to know what's on my mind? I'll tell you-''

Dan drops his hand from the knob and stops for a minute. He doesn't want to eavesdrop and honestly doesn't even have to because whoever is fighting behind these roof top doors sure as hell isn't holding back. He came up after spending barely 10 minutes downstairs; it's all it took for him to resent half of them. He never found Serena's friend either. She most likely went home or whatever. Luck is not on his side tonight so he decides to bail this thing.

He is halfway down the staircase when he hears soft winces. They don't sound like the ones he heard before, no these are somewhere near. It only takes a few seconds for him to notice the small figure leaning against the roof top door on the other side of the terrace. And it's no other than her. Your move Humphrey.

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So I wanted to update as soon as possible and I'm in a hurry so I didn't get the chance to do my grammar check, if there are any mistakes I'm sorry, I'll re-read it tomorrow and fix them. I'll do my best to update in a week/ten days time as always. It depends on how much free time I'll have on my hands and of course, your replies. So review/favorite/follow to leave your thoughts and suggestions. Till next update. xoL


	8. Confession

Hello everyone! This is going to be another one of those long intros so brace yourselves:D

Where do I even start...dealing with school is killing me more than usual and it's starting to show in my updates and possibly the quality of my chapters. I study most of the time and as of this semester have no social life whatsoever. I am incredibly sorry I can't post chapters as often as I used to. I worry that maybe this isn't what it used to be as the number of reviews and other alerts has gone down to a minimum. Maybe it's the story or just the fact that I suck at keeping this page alive, I'm not sure, but people are seemingly losing interest. I didn't want to disappoint any of you Nair fans or other wonderful people that read my work and I'm sorry if I did. So I'm not sure what to do next, I have a bunch of ideas for the development of this particular story but if this isn't working for you guys please tell me so I can start a new story or change something in this one. Is there anything you'd like to read, any idea or suggestion on how to make this better? Do you like it this way?:) I won't stop writing, because I love it, so no worries there. I just have a dilemma with this story. So please, please, please make this easier on me and tell me how you'd solve this. I apologize for this rant, but I needed to get it off my chest and share it with you because if it weren't for every single one of you I would have given up on writing a long time ago. I'm sending virtual hugs and kisses to whoever is reading this, you guys are my inspiration xoL

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One step. Two steps. A few more and he is there. He stops though, his curious nature always seems to find a way to ruin things for him and he thinks that this is a chance for a new improved start. If he eventually goes there, what will he say? _Hey, I'm Dan I think you're beautiful, please don't cry?_ He is sure she'd flee the scene in no time. Still, she looks like she needs someone right now and even though a stranger isn't that he decides to give it a try.

He carefully walks over as he doesn't want to scare her, but also doesn't want to come off as a stalker. He clears his throat as he reaches her.

Her eyes shoot up and she lets out a startled breath. _Good job on not scaring her. _Her brows furrow and she looks as if she is about to leave. Come on Dan, you can fucking do this, don't be a prick.

''Umm hey-'' he says awkwardly, she stays silent ''-are you okay?''

Just as he thinks that he blew it and she has no intention of ever talking to him she speaks up. ''Who are you?'' the question comes out a bit harsh so she quickly corrects herself. ''I mean I haven't seen you around before and I'm pretty sure I know everyone that's stepped foot in here.''

He smiles with relief but feel tense nonetheless, he is underneath her microscope, he knows that what he says in the next few minutes or how he acts is going to create an image of him in her mind that'll stay there.

''Actually I moved here a couple of weeks ago.-'' he answers and shoves his hands in his pockets ''-I'm Dan by the way.''

She nods and eyes him verily. Her previous premise that he is very easy on the eyes is correct, even now that she's going over every single detail of his presence she can't find a thing wrong with it. It makes her self conscious and in a flash she remembers that she is a mess of red eyes and mascara running down her cheeks. She quickly reaches up to wipe it away and blinks a few times before speaking up.

''I'm Blair W-''

''-Waldorf. I know.''

''You do?'' she is only half surprised, people who she's never seen or talked to recognize her all the time, but this one is different, he just came to NY so she can't figure out how. He observes her confused expression and adds up on what he previously said.

''Your friend Serena lives a few floors above me.'' He explains to what she responds with an eyebrow raise.

''Serena told you about me?'' why would Serena talk to her new neighbors about her.

''Sort of-'' his mind crosses the cat and the elevator story which doesn't seem relevant at the moment, it would probably confuse her even more than she already is. ''-I found myself in her apartment by accident and saw your picture there so…''

She still has that utterly confused and adorable expression which makes the corners of his mouth twitch up.

''Nevermind, just forget about it.'' He shakes his head and waves it off.

She nods and laughs with him. They are interrupted by loud steps. They get louder as the door that Blair was leaned briefly against opens widely and sets her back a few steps. She feels strong chest against her back and a pair of hands on her upper arms that bring her back to balance. She turns around to face a very distressed Nate.

Her mood drops in an instant and she feels herself drawn back to that pit of misery and frustration. His eyes are everywhere at once as if he's trying to explain a hundred things at once.

Her eyes are tearstained, he is aware that she was crying and it breaks his hear in two as usual. Up till now he was powerless in making her feel better but he is tired of pretending not to care. Because he does, every living minute of these past few years all he did was think of her. He knows nothing good can happen from now on because he screwed it up, but there is that tint of hope that maybe she'll listen to what he has to say, that she'll understand like she always does and they'll find a solution together, all of them. His hands are still clutching her arms for dear life.

Eventually he spots another figure and reluctantly lets go of her.

Dan senses some strong energy exchange going on before his eyes. What looks like to be Serena's boyfriend and Blair? Well, at least he was right to think that this place is built on secrets. He feels like it's not his place in any way to be here, yet he can't get himself to leave.

''I need to talk to you-'' Nate says with a serious attitude. She is reluctant so this time he pleads ''-please Blair.'' She finally agrees with a nod and sends an apologetic look to Dan.

''It's okay, no really, I'm just gonna-'' he would lie if he said he isn't annoyed. He is disappointed at most, not because he has to leave, but judging by the situation and the way she gave in so easily to that guy, Blair might be a disappointment like he predicted after all. Sure, whatever helps him to sleep at night.

Blair stares after Dan as he leaves their floor. She is a mixture of regrets, anger and questionable choices. This is just one in a million guys that could have been something amazing that's happened to her, but it never will because she is chained by the emotional torture called Nate Archibald, which is why as soon as the doors close behind Dan she takes her stand.

''I can't do this anymore.'' She yells and scares the man before her ''I swear to God I can't.''

''Blair just let me-''

''No.'' she yells at the top of her lungs. ''I won't let you anything. It is my time to talk, Nate, and you don't get to explain, you don't get to apologize, you don't get to guilt me in to feeling sorry for you. I get to talk and you get to listen, and if you're not okay with that then there's the door.'' She points over. Much to her very surprise there is no yelling, no fighting back, he just looks at her and nods in agreement. She is taken aback by his attitude and wonders if it's truthful or just another trick of his. She pushes it off her mind and gets back on track with her thoughts.

''I've been there for you since the very beginning, I've listened, I gave advice, I lied to my best friend to cover for you, I shared everything with you, things I told no one about…you knew about them, I trusted you with my deepest fears and my biggest dreams-'' her icy façade fails on her and tears surface ''-and it worked out for us-'' she takes a deep breath and wipes her tears away just to have them replaced by fresh ones ''-until now. And I'm sorry but this thing between us, this friendship-'' she says with a bitter smirk ''-it is over.''

He doesn't so much as blink at her confession. He stands there, his eyes pierce trough her like ice as he finally speaks.

''I couldn't agree more.'' He says with no emotion. At times like this she's convinced more than ever that she was just a toy to him. As much as her heart hurts, she wants to break his into million pieces like he does with her every day. She turns her back on him for what she thinks is the final time. She needs drama in her life like she needs the air that she breathes, but this is too much even for her.

''And if we're being completely honest right now-'' he walks closer to her and turns her around so she's facing him. ''-it hasn't been working for a while now, I can't see you as a friend anymore Blair.'' He says with urgent voice, his breath is unsteady, his eyes are all over her. It's the last thing she sees before his lips crash hers. It's wrong in every way and she hates him for doing this, even more hates herself for not pulling away already. At the same time it's something she's wanted for so long and feels more real than anything in her life.

Still, there's always a but…

She pushes him off of her with every ounce of self control she can muster. ''What are you doing?'' she yells at him trough her tears. ''What are we doing-'' she starts to panic and wants nothing more than to be out of there, away from him and away from that damn mess of feelings that come with him.

''Blair-'' he tries to keep her in one place but she moves away from his touch ''-Blair calm down-''

''This is a mistake, let me go-'' she tries to wriggle out of his arms, she is almost there when he pours it on her and it comes out as very loud in order to finally get her attention.

''I love you.''

''No.'' she fights back in disbelief.

''I do, I love you.''

''No-'' she basically screams ''-stop saying that.''

''Why? Because you know it's true? Because I have felt this way for a long time? Because I'm ready to give up everything for you?'' he says in a breath.

At last she is quiet. She doesn't dare to move because she's scared that if she blinks she'll wake up and this will turn out to be a dream, or a nightmare if you will. She can't breathe but she feels like crying, oh she needs to cry for a lot of reasons. As of this moment she is sure she's cursed. There she is, Blair Waldorf. A girl who has it all, but really, has none at all. She is messed up in every way possible, she can't even love herself and there he is, Nate Archibald, professing his love to her as if it's that easy. NOTHING on the UES has ever been easy and nothing ever will be, including this.

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This is it for now and hopefully it's only the start of it. Review/favorite/follow, till next update xoL


	9. Confusion

Hi guys, not to get excited right away, this is a repost of my latest chapter because for some reason it blocked my whole account, I had to take it down and upload again. Hope this doesn't happen again.

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''You can't do this-'' he yells with the last of air he has in his lungs as he follows her down the staircase ''-you can't just run from this.''

She suddenly stops and turns around in a flash. ''No, _you _can't do this Nate-'' she brings it in his face, she calms down in a bit and even though her head is spinning she forces herself to think of the right thing to do.

''Look it's okay, I'm giving you an out.'' She says calmly to which he responds with a confused and angry look.

''You said it in the heat of the moment, we don't have to ever mention it again, just go back to your girlfriend and we'll forget about this-''

''I broke up with Serena.'' He cuts her off and makes her blood freeze. Her mouth falls agape and she stands there just staring at him. He gives her a few minutes to take in what she just heard, though he doesn't want to wait any longer. His hands are shaking from the adrenaline that's cruising through his body at the speed of lightning. Dealing with this is a lot harder than he ever imagined, no matter how hard he tries she stomps over it, pretends it isn't happening.

''You what?'' her voice is pure disbelief with a healthy dose of shock.

''I'm not in love with her-'' he says as if love is the simplest thing that ever existed and she hates him for taking everything so easy ''-and I'm pretty sure she feels the same about me.''

''She never said a thing-'' Blair tries to reason out. Serena would have mentioned something this big. It doesn't seem like a mutual thing, for one she is sure that Serena holds on to her relationships as long as she can because she is scared of being alone and being judged, things Blair always tried to make her feel better about. There is no way she wanted that breakup…or maybe her friend finally grew up while she was too busy scheming and pretending to be untouchable. Suddenly she feels like crying for a whole other reason.

''You two aren't as close as you used to be.'' He sees right through her. His words dig deep, hurting her in ways she never thought she could get hurt. The main reason it stings this much is the truth behind it all.

''Is it because of you?'' She asks honestly and expects an honest reply.

''I don't know, perhaps-'' she is finally calm and this is the perfect and probably the only chance he has to get an answer out of her ''-but this is a topic for another time. You still haven't answered my question.''

She avoids his eyes and mentally searches for the closest exit concluding the story of her life, when things get real, you run.

Just as she is about to do what she does best her eyes catch a glimpse of his blue orbs; they are exhausted, full of regrets, tired of disappointments. It is then that she realizes she is looking at a reflection of her own. The legend says there is someone for everyone and her someone looks to be as tortured as herself at the moment. For the first time ever she feels like he is ready to give himself completely to her.

''Have you ever wanted something so much it killed you to even think about it''- she takes a shaky step closer ''- and you think to yourself _this, this is the one I need, this is my person_. But no matter how much you need them or want them, you can't have any of it.''

''Why?'' he demands in a desperate tone ''Why can't you have it?''

''If the world was just the two of them they would have it all-'' her delicate lips curl at the bare thought of it. Just like everything in her life so far this has a downfall too and it drains the very last bit of happiness from her face. ''-but it's not and someone always gets hurt in the end, not just the two of them.''

The accustomed pounding in his chest slows down to where it's almost soundless. All of this commotion broke them apart and more than ever he needs to reach out and touch her, make sure she is real and she is there when he feels like his world is falling apart. He leans his forehead against hers and lets his heavy lids drop.

He nuzzles his nose to hers as his arms find their way around the curve of her back where they rest.

''I am tired of thinking about everyone else-'' he whispers and lets her lean in to his touch ''- as long as you are not hurt, the world seems pretty darn great to me.''

His saying releases a cage of butterflies deep within her, it makes her smile almost foolishly. She looks up, deciding that she will fight, but she will live too. She presses a gentle kiss to his lips and lets go so easily. It is unreal and everything she's ever wanted to have with him, which only makes the guilt worse. As soon as they break apart that horrifying feeling of betrayal fills her inside out.

''We can't do this-''

''Why? Why the hell not?'' he snaps in frustration. She understands his point of standing, feels his agony, but she is better than that. They are both better than that.

''Because it's her heart we will break.'' She says earnestly. ''You already did, I can't abandon her too.''

''I didn't abandon her-'' he gets his facts straight ''-she wanted this as much as I did.''

''But I am her best friend, and I know that it will not be okay, not in a few weeks, not in a few months, years, never it will be okay. You are her first love, I can't go against that.''

''Even if she moves on?'' he is mentally exhausted and in no condition to have this fight now, when all he wants to do is be with her.

To that Blair has no answer. She is uneasy when she speaks again.

''We can't know that she ever will.''

''But I want to.'' his voice is dead serious, Blair isn't used to seeing him this put together, it's exciting and frightening at the same time ''I'm ready to feel alive again, why can't you see that?''

_But I can_. She thinks to herself. _I can and it's killing me._

''Than go, move on with someone new, someone who can give you everything you crave for.''

''I don't want someone new, I want you, Blair. I've always wanted you.'' He speaks straight from his heart not even paying attention to his words, let alone censor himself.

''This is insane.'' She almost yells out. ''You've been with my friend for what? 5 years and now you're saying that I'm the one you've always wanted? What's next?''

Fed up with everything he decides to give it a rest, he had his chance, he blew it.

All cards on the table.

''You know what that's enough, enough. I'm not going to spend the entire night trying to convince you to be with me when it's clearly something you'd rather not commit to. But that's okay, I've seen worse. So you wanna know what's going to happen next?''

She doesn't move as he puts his suit jacket back on. She only has a second to prepare for what hits her next.

''I love you. And I'm going home alone now. As for your part-'' he turns around to send her one last look ''-you do whatever you want with that information.''

He is gone before she even gets a chance to blink.

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''Son of a-'' he mutters to himself as he steps in to a puddle and drenches his designer shoes that are worth enough to feed a village in Africa. In moments like this Dan finds himself unbearably hypocritical; if he hates this world so much, then why does he melt in to it so easily?

His night didn't go as planned yet it went just like he expected. He is mad and coming home alone. It works well for him because finally, after a three month break he has enough emotion to write about. That same old flame lights up giving him a sense of purpose again. He doesn't feel disappointment anymore, just angst that he can pour on to paper.

He rushes up to his penthouse, lighting up a cigarette as he goes. His eyes meet an angry pair of ones that stare back at him with disapproval. He sends an apologetic look to the doorman and puts out his cigarette on the sole of the aforementioned shoe. He quickly runs up the stairs to his floor where he lights another one. The penthouse is quiet, almost terrifying. His father is still probably out with his business partners or whatever arrogant fuckups he hangs around. He is used to being alone, even prefers it. This way he has the freedom to be whatever he wants to be, something that's crucial in the life of a writer.

He basically tears of his tie, an action followed by haphazardly taking off his coat and throwing it on the soft mattress of his bed. He rolls up his sleeves and ruffles his hair to feel more comfortable. His rough lips form and O shape as he puffs out a heavy blow of smoke, his vision is blurred when he rambles trough his drawer to pull out a pen. It causes him to accidentally spill a bottle of ink all over the untouched white carpet; the maid will be pissed the next morning, he couldn't care less.

He finally gets what he needs and starts writing furiously.

_Kill me slowly, make it last_

_The red of your lips, disappeared so fast_

_Oh sweet darling, every book I've read_

_Does nothing, it does nothing_

_Forevermore, I am dead._

He puts his pen down abruptly, he stares at his work for a while until he rips the page scrunching it up in a ball. Just as he is about to slam it in the nearest trash bin there is a quiet knock on his door. Driven by his never-ending curiosity he shoots up right away to open it. His father wouldn't knock and it's way too late for anyone to be paying a visit so this must be good.

His eyes grow wide as he spots a familiar frame in front of him. His breathing stops momentarily.

''Vanessa?''

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Okay, okay. I know a loooot of people dislike Vanessa, but I said there would be different characters and background stories so give me a chance.

I also apologize to anyone who knows anything about poetry, sorry you had to witness this abomination of a poem, I tried my best x)

This is it for now, I am already working on a new chapter, but I need motivation too, so don't be shy, leave a review, suggestion, question. Anything you'd like to know or comment, I'll gladly answer and accept. Till next update,xoL


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